Ways to Support the Postpartum Mom
Let’s get real: the moment after you have a baby is a bit of a…hurricane. It’s the highest of highs, filled with high-emotion moments, lots of joy and tears, and irreplaceable memories of meeting your precious babe. You experience pain beyond measure, lots of embarrassing medical moments (we don’t need to go into those here, trust me, if you know, you know!), and soreness in places you didn’t even know you could be sore. That postpartum time is so precious and so challenging, and if you’re a mama or you know one, you may be wondering how to have or give support in the moments after that little one’s first cries.
-Remember the mama AND the baby: Many people flock to the baby when the birth happens, which is only natural! Everyone wants to hold the tiny new arrival, but it’s easy to forget that the mommy just went through a very physical and emotional process. When you go to visit, be sure to ask if it’s an okay time, as mom is learning to breastfeed and is likely quite exhausted. Then, acknowledge her and ask her how she is doing and if she needs anything you can help with! Let mom know she’s doing great, and how beautiful/strong/capable she is! Many mothers need to hear encouraging words during the flood of hormones and sleep deprivation. If appropriate, bring mama and baby each a small gift (for moms, bath salts, chapstick, chocolate, hair ties, cozy socks, etc).
-Offer to run the uncomfortable errands. If you’re a mom yourself, you know that there are some things that only a mom knows how to find and get for that postpartum time. Things like extra pads or Depends panties, perineal rinse or pads, heat or ice packs, breast pads or nipple shields, parts for the breast pump or Lanolin…the list goes on. If you arrive or visit and notice she doesn’t have these things, offer to discreetly run and grab them, or just quietly leave them on the porch for her. It will help any postpartum mom to know she doesn’t need to send her husband or family member to the store to try to hassle with those.
-Offer simple and concrete help. If you’ve ever been super tired, you know it can be challenging to even think of what you might need. If you’re offering to assist, offer in specific ways that they can easily choose. Here are some examples:
“I have dinner prepared for you. Which day is best for me to leave a freezer meal? Monday or Tuesday?”
“If today is an okay day to visit, would you like a mocha or a tea?”
“What would be more helpful: cleaning your bathrooms this week, or bringing you dinner?”
This gives the mom/dad the ability to choose between two easy options that are both practical. When you do visit or see them, don’t linger and visit, let the parents and baby rest and be sensitive to their needs.
-Check on her more than just right after. Many postpartum moms have a flood of visitors right after, but struggle with postpartum hormones weeks or even months after the baby is born, and when she is lonely or exhausted. Remember to send her encouraging texts, and before the baby arrives, set up a plan of action if she thinks postpartum depression or psychosis is a risk. For example, express to her that you will be helping watch for signs of depression, if she’s comfortable with it, and that you’d be open to checking on her in the weeks and months to follow. Offer to deliver coffee or treats, and make sure she feels supported in the most critical months (moms can experience postpartum depression up to the one year mark of a baby’s life, and struggle beyond that).
Most of all, remind mom that she is doing a wonderful job, and that you are proud of her!
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